Life, death, and a lot of love.

Some days, I find that I am so lazy when it comes to communication. At times, I feel excited and inspired to write--other times, I relish the fact that my Blackberry doesn't work here and that I can "go off the grid" in many ways.

However, I am never really off the grid. After being in Khon Kaen for over a month now, I still feel at peace with my reasons for being here and feel as though I am learning and growing everyday. But, with this schedule, you do always have to be on and ready to discuss, ready to think, and ready to work. This has been an interesting challenge for me the past few days, particularly because my grandfather passed away two days ago.

Due to the time difference, I got the email from my mom almost right away. This instant connection through the internet was both great because I knew, but a mixed bag because I found out right before entering into a meeting with the other interns. After going outside for a sec and taking a few calming breaths, I sat down and went through the meeting. Only several hours later was I able to sneak off behind the office and take some time for myself.

It is especially poignant for me that Nonnie (grandfather)'s funeral is today. On this day, 13 years ago, my father passed away. Both had struggled with illness, and for both it proved to be a blessing that their suffering did not have to continue.

These men were, in many ways, two of the primary male influences in my life. I remember that, at the receiving of friends for my father, I sat in my grandfather's lap because he reminded me of my father. You see, both were close in age (my father was 62 when I was born.) Both were from the same Depression-era generation, and both had the same slight belly that I could curl into as a young girl.

My life path has differed greatly from either of their experiences, though. Nonnie spent all of his life in Laurens, SC, a small textile community in the Upstate of South Carolina. My father, on the other hand, was from the Lowcountry and, after finishing a tour of duty in the navy during WWII, moved to Columbia so that he could go to medical school on the GI Bill.

Both were firmly rooted in the Southeast and embodied many of the stereotypical "Southern maleness", both good and bad.

I find it important, at times like these, to pay homage to those in my life who have shaped it, for better and worse. While I did not always agree with the political or social views espoused by both men, I find that their spirit, rootedness, and capacity to love are lessons I hope to keep practicing.

The main lesson I take away from my relationship with both my father and grandfather is simple-- time. I am so grateful to have had time to spend with them, trips to take with them. Nonnie had the patience to take me to the mountains along with the other cousins, and was even diligent enough to hunt down my baby doll after it disappeared at a hotel. I remember when he took me to the cemetery in Laurens so that I could take photos for my school project and how he used to put Clemson stamps on our hands as children to irk my aunts and uncles.

With my father, many of my memories are associated with an old, brown Lazyboy chair (one that my grandfather would later use after my father passed.) In the chair, he would watch the Little Mermaid with me for hours, patiently putting down the paper whenever I wanted to climb up. We'd watch the Discovery Channel and National Geographic, then play house so that I could "cook" for him.

So, for all the time spent with me, for all the patience y'all showed to me as a girl, teenager, and young adult-- the best I can do is say thanks, and that I hope to make you proud.

Now, thanks to technology, I not only have memories-- I have photos, videos, and other documents to look at whenever I want. I can even access those in Thailand, half way across the world, through sites like Flickr and Facebook.

I can even write this post and know that family, no matter where they are, can read it too, and share in my reflections with me.

Thus, my thoughts today are less about being abroad, but more on what it means to be home. The place wouldn't mean anything without the people, after all.

The people here are wonderful and kind, just as the people in South Carolina are. This common humanity that we find ourselves always tangled up in can serve as more of a uniting factor than a dividing one. My experience with death is common to the Thai people I have spoken with. Because we are all human beings.

During times of great change and distress, this is never more apparent. Our common love unites us, and is a much stronger bond that anything else I have experienced.

So, to end, I send back my love and thoughts to my family in South Carolina and the United States, as well as to the CIEE/Thai family that has taken me on. Many thanks, kob kun mah ka.